Arguing Productively Leads to a Lasting Relationship

Does this remind you of anything? A couple's fight gone out of control?

One of the key factors to making a relationship work and last is learning how to argue well and avoid being nasty. And no, there is no such thing as not arguing. While learning and understanding how you communicate and how your partner communicates is critical to minimizing the arguments, let’s face it, every couple argues and it can get nasty.

If you want to improve your relationship, then you need to learn how to argue well and here’s where you need to start:

Calm Down. You are about to burst with anger and all you can think of is how you’ve been wronged, misunderstood and attacked by your partner. Recognize that this is the critical moment where you need to reel it in, try and calm down before you react. How you react at this critical juncture will pave the way for how the argument will turn out. Whatever you need to do to calm down, do it.

No Cursing!! If you curse, realize that it will take away your partners focus on the point you want to make and shift the focus to the fact that you are cursing at him or her. Moreover, the more you do it, the more it becomes a habit that becomes very difficult to break. It’s true that the people closest to you can hurt you the most and get you worked up like no one else can, but try and keep it clean.

Ask, listen, process and acknowledge. Set the precedence and an example by asking your partner why he or she is hurt by your actions. Refrain at this time from going into an explanation or trying to justify. Just listen to your partner, process what he or she is saying and acknowledge your partner’s feelings by reiterating it. It’s may seem a bit elementary, but it’s definitely not easy to do.

Talk about why you are upset but avoid using “YOU”. When you are talking, avoid using “you”. Rather, start out your statements with “when you did X, you made me feel Y”. In the former instance, the partner will only hear you attacking him or her. In the latter instance, the partner will focus more on how certain actions or statements made you feel.

Apologize. You don’t have to apologize for everything. You simply apologize for hurting your partner’s feelings. You are not agreeing to every claim that your partner makes about you by apologizing, but you are apologizing for hurting your partner’s feelings.

There are no winners and losers in relationships. Either you both win or lose at the end of the day when alls said and done. When using arguing well strategies, you may feel like you are giving in often times, but realize that you are setting precedence and a standard for arguing. And once in a while, what’s wrong with giving in
Attachments
- Argue1.png (You need to login to download attachments.)
- Argue2.png (You need to login to download attachments.)
- Argue2.png (You need to login to download attachments.)
#
cat

Reputation:45
Posted 1 month ago
Some people just like to argue...

#

Kieshley

Reputation:3
Posted 1 month ago
Well I love arguing, it really ends up to long-term relationship. BTW, not too much of it.
I think 1st thing that you should control is your TEMPER.

#

Osama Sayeed

Reputation:2
Posted 1 month ago
Agreed with ^^

#

ra4king

Reputation:4
Posted 1 month ago
Definitely need to control your temper, can't get too mad. I think the most important thing is to make sure that you never go to bed angry. Then you will try and resolve the problem, and when you wake up in the morning you wont remember why you were even mad most of hte time.

#

Brystan

Reputation:5
Posted 1 month ago
@Brystan

I agree with the going to bed thing but that only works if both people agree.

#

Ondir

Reputation:3
Posted 1 month ago
That whole article is basically a guide on how to argue like an adult.. 2c

#

Cybotron

Reputation:3
Posted 1 month ago
Old topics are off limits

Use "I feel" instead of "When you"

Listen while the other person is talking, instead of preparing your devastating reply.

Echo their concerns back to them, "I hear you say you don't like it when I ..." It shows you are listening and keeps you from just waiting to jump in.

Try asking simple questions like "What specifically would you like me to do differently?"

Be careful with sarcasm, it is just criticism in disguise.

Go easy on the jokes (I am guilty of this). If your partner does not think you take him/her seriously, the exercise is futile.

Feel free to just sit there and take it. Most people burn themselves out after a while, and many are just looking for someone to vent at/to.

Hang in there. I've been married 25 years and I still piss my wife off on a regular basis, although afterwards I usually know I should have seen it coming. Doh!

#

SnoopDougieDoug

Reputation:6
Posted 1 month ago
uh, this makes no sense:

Talk about why you are upset but avoid using “YOU”. When you are talking, avoid using “you”. Rather, start out your statements with “when you did X, you made me feel Y”. In the former instance, the partner will only hear you attacking him or her. In the latter instance, the partner will focus more on how certain actions or statements made you feel.

First of all, there is neither a "former" nor "latter" in that paragraph - there's just one quote. Secondly, it uses "you". You made me confused. ;-)

#

luckycharms

Reputation:2
Posted 1 month ago
I think that if tempers are involved then it is an argument. However, if both parties remain calm and are willing to listen then it is a debate, discussion or conversation.

#

zepe

Reputation:1
Posted 1 month ago
This is great advice. Arguing, or at least stopping an argument from escalating is definitely something that you can become better than.

The most basic, underlying hint here is that you shouldn't be trying to win the argument you should try to resolve whatever caused the argument. Easier said than done.

#

LifeButBetter.com

Reputation:17
Posted 1 month ago

You must log in to post.

Arguing Productively Leads to a Lasting Relationship

Attachments

About This Topic

Tags

Name:
Email